It must be fate that you are reading this. :) I congratulate you on your effort to get this far. This post will be my thoughts and views of a relationship, my future dream. I've spent many hours thinking about the concept of love and significant others, so let's get started! A journey though my mind. (Note: I wrote this as if a girl would be reading it, though a guy could read it to take notes haha.)
Who am I? Most social media sites have a section called “About Me” but honestly, we usually have no clue what to type. What an intriguing question to tell someone about yourself, and your answers probably vary depending on who you are talking to. What if you are talking to someone that could end up being your soul mate? How would you respond? The following is exactly my answer, being as truthful as possible:
Middle Name is Sweet. I’m a rather sweet guy, kind heart, deep desire to care for others, and to make the most out of life trying to achieve my goals. However, I’ll let you know right off that I don’t want to do this alone, just as I’m sure you don’t want to be alone while achieving your goals and walking down the path of life. Our desire is to come to know that one special person that we can be ourselves around, not having to change a single thing to be accepted as who we are.
Confidence Pays Off. I’ll admit I’m normally a quiet, calm, and soft spoken guy as you will likely notice when we first meet if we ever do, but let me say that is just the surface of who I am. If you hold the key to my heart, you’ll find something much deeper. I don’t say that I’m shy though most probably perceive me to be. On the contrary, I can talk with anyone about anything and keep my composure, I don’t mind making the first move should someone catch my eye. Although nerving as it may be, if you see something you want, it’s wise to make the move or someone else will, or worse, it might have worked had you not given up on the opportunity to prove your confidence.
(Shy Little Boy. A flash back, when I was in grade school, I was extremely shy of girls. All my friends were guys that I hung out with. The mere fact that a girl was nearby was enough for me to look down and hide my blushing, red cheeks. Later in junior high, some girls figured it out and would talk to me just to get amusement out of my reaction. I’m sure you would agree I was a pretty cute kid back in the day if you saw my picture, but no puppy love girlfriends for me in grade school haha.)
Personal Space. “So I say to you, hello and it is a pleasure to meet you!” I will be extremely respectful of your space until we get to know each other better; you can rest assured that you will only be touched by my friendly presence. But hey, if you like hugs, by all means we shall embrace after hanging out and before parting ways, leaving that lasting impression of someone having wrapped you in his arms, a protective and warm place to be.
Side Note. Initially, you will probably deem me to be kind of a nerdy, yet funny guy with high respect for those around him. My response is that I’d rather be weird than the boring norm, keeping life spiced up. I have some very embarrassing stories I could tell, but I’ll gain your trust before telling haha. I like to goof off and have sarcastic conversations, hardly ever a dull moment!
The Question Game. When I first get to know someone, the best way in my opinion is to ask questions, tons of them. Make a game asking each other questions and answering both your own and his or hers. You’ll be amazed at what you can learn. Asking about favorites is always fun from food, restaurant, board game, video game, music, actor, song, book, car, movie, animal, number, color, vacation, sport, sport's team, wine, subject in school, soda, etc. If we are truly interested in getting to know another on a deeper level, these questions open up many opportunities to learn about each others likes and dislikes. Questions could also start off with our current status in life including if we have any siblings, what are our parents like, where do we want to live, career path, list our hobbies, and so much more. It’s so easy to get to know someone and find out his/her past history, experiences, and personality that it’s almost hard to know where to start. Once started though, a spark of acquaintance-ship will allow the questions and answers to flow. As I like to say, the best way to learn the heart of a person is through conversations of Q and A.
More Questions Equals a Stronger Bond. Over time, if the conversation continues, deeper and deeper questions come forth: what is you favorite memory, what do you look for in another person, what is your proudest moment, goals in life, where do you see yourself in 5+ years, etc. We start developing a friendship without even realizing it. However, it takes effort on both sides. If I ask you a question and all you do is answer it, the conversation hit a block in my opinion. This happens a lot more than you think! Have you ever started talking to someone and a few days or weeks pass, and you slowly stop conversing? This is why.. You should ask a question or two in return, you’ll be surprised at the outcome. Naturally, early on, a relationship is not even considered, but a couple months go by and you start to wonder, could he (in my case she) be the one? We will have probably been sending written messages back forth though some social media outlet, but soon it will move to chatting on Skype or texting. I've naturally been humble enough while talking with a lady that she willingly gives her number to me (I honestly was being respectful to make sure I didn't ask too soon haha), but if we have been talking for some decent amount of time, don't be shocked if I ask for it. I will respect your decision either way.
The First Impression. By this point, we have a good background and understanding of each other, we could tell one another’s birthday (hopefully) to each other. You would probably like to meet in person if close or hear by voice if by distance to truly get an idea what the other is like. Generally, when we hang out, we could do something fun like go to the park or even in my opinion, just sitting together with soft music in the background talking in a living room. Nothing close to a date; it is much too early for that. Your heart will beat as will mine that first meeting, or that first phone call we make to each other, the slight hint of nervousness in our voices (don't deny it, it happens to everyone even if just a little). There is really no guarantee we will be chatterboxes right off the bat, but the foundation will have been set and it will be easier the next time and so forth. When we are talking regardless of in person or by phone, we will still be asking questions, but now we can be creative and add expressions with laughter or sarcastic remarks to aid the conversation along. We can ask more detailed questions or share personal stories that would otherwise take a long time to type out. How about we go for a walk? That can be done either in person or in distance, describing the scenery as we go.
Time Passes. If we were destined to be friends, this is the stage that would happen. Whether we go all the way to be bf/gf is not the question, but someone you can trust, someone you can go to with a funny story, maybe some amazing news you just found out, a person you can talk to when you're feeling down or have doubt about a situation, a friend. We will be friends, laughter and conversation comes easy. My initial quietness will have since faded, but you’ll still find me funny. ;) “It was an amazing journey getting to know you, and I look forward to learning even more about you!” Know though, it is still a two way street. If you get too distracted by other guys (girls if a guy is reading) or if life starts hitting you hard, let me (or whoever you've been talking to) know or else you will find us talking less and less undoing the progress we had just made. I’ll do my best to tell you as well regarding how life goes since the same goes for me, but hopefully the spark of friendship will remain steadfast. Who knows, the spark might grow into fire which is love over time. I love the quote that says, “Love is friendship caught on fire.” My philosophy is to become friends first ever before considering a date, but I can say the thoughts of being 'more' does arise from time to time when we talk. If love were to ensue, we could tell others that we fell in love with our best friend. :) Time to us at this point, if our friendship continues, passes by quickly, 1am talking in the early morning, then 2am, even if we have to wake up early. Late night phone talks to hanging out more often. We will begin to naturally want to be around each other more because we make each other happy through shared affection, we feel comfort in each other's presence, hearing each other's voice.
As a Friend. One can never have too many friends. I wouldn’t say I have a ton of friends, but those that I do have I appreciate. You and I will learn what we expect from one another, determining how comfortable we are sharing our concerns about life. We each have our inner circle of close friends and one or two that we call our best. I'd love to have many high quality friends I can trust, a few I can share life events with, and those that I can turn to for advice in a time of need. In my mind, 3 fundamental levels of friendship (not counting people you know or just talk to as acquaintances). What level will we reach? This is critical for the next stages if we want more out of our friendship.
[2017 Addition] Don't Abandon Your Friends. I'm happy that we are friends, and I'd love to spend a lot of time getting to know you. However, we both have our other friends, the ones we knew before you and I knew each other. They still deserve some of our attention as well. I can't say how many relationships that begin out of friendship (which is an amazing thing) also end up taking the place of prior friendships. We both need to continue to spend time with the friends that we have always had. We can't let ourselves be consumed so much about each other that we neglect those that have been there for us time and time again. The end result, in my mind, is that my friends are your friends and your friends are my friends. We shouldn't spend excessive time together such that the friends we have feel abandoned. At the same time, should we ever hang out with one another's friends, I hope that we make every effort to make them not feel like a third wheel, but rather as equals.
It’s What’s on the Inside That Counts. You will note that I have not set any expectations of a friend as I accept all people. I believe that no one person is better than another at a core level. I will not judge you based on appearance, but rather get to know you from the inside out. To me, a heart is much more beautiful than how someone looks because the heart not only shapes how we look, but also who we really are. Over time talking, you will hopefully have learned I have a heart of gold. I desire only happiness for those around me, I help others whenever I can, putting them first. I want to live a selfless life, living for others and not for myself. I will still enjoy life to the fullest don’t get me wrong, but being a friend first is of the utmost importance to me. By this point, you will already be beautiful and amazing; I will accept you for you.
Minimal Expectations. If we are to surpass the friendship stage, I will state that there is only one requirement that must be met: being a Christian. My faith is very important to me and differences in this area can tear a relationship apart. It doesn’t matter to me what denomination you are or even how strong of a Christian you are, but as a basis, I will pray you have a heart for God, believing and trusting in Him. A quote that I like: "A woman's heart should be so lost in God that a man must seek Him in order to find her." Even as friends, though, we can share our faith with each other and help each other in the long run to get to heaven. Beyond being a Christian, I don’t have expectations (except for the one in the next paragraph). No two people will ever agree on everything, so who are we to impose our views on the other? We should use those differences to draw us closer into a stronger friendship. If you aren't a Christian, I'd at least hope we could still be friends. I would prefer to have a girlfriend that didn't smoke, but if that was the only thing that I "didn't like" about her, it would not constitute giving up on her all together due to a single action. (Give and take as the saying goes) Of course, you have every right to set out your own expectations, as many as you want (within reason, too many and you'll soon find that hardly anyone fits the bill) because in the end, it's your life and you can spend it with anyone you want. If you like a guy to be taller than you, I see no fault with having that expectation. [I like to say that what I lack in physical height I make up for by the height of my heart] Remember, there are a lot of fish in sea, but the more expectations you have, the farther our you may have to cast your line. When the time is right, just be honest with yourself about what you want in the other person and it will work out as it was meant to.
[2017 Addition] Physical Attraction. While I just told you that my only requirement is that you have a faith in God for us to potentially move beyond friendship, I do believe physical attraction should be considered. This statement can be taken out of context so let me explain. I'm personally not in the best shape as I wish I was, but I do care about my health. I hope you care about your health as well. It doesn't matter to me what your body shape is so long as you care about being healthy and taking care of yourself. If we would one day become a couple and perhaps more, I'd want to spend as many years as we have allotted together with you. A lot of guys only see with their eyes, but I've learned to see with my heart first and then my eyes. While your personality, your laugh, your heart beat is the most important to me, you will already be attractive to me, and I'll make sure to give you that credit. I just want you and I to have a long and happy life, and if it works out in the end, we can do it together.
First Date. As you can tell, I’ve typed a lot already and I’m just now getting to the first date (I'm a detailed person lol! Just be glad you aren't one of my professors that had to read my papers or my boss that reads my progress reports for updates). With that said, should we decide to go on a first date, it should be a night to remember for both of us. We don’t have to make it formal necessarily, but just to get out there and have fun doing something that we will enjoy. :) I feel that the guy should treat this girl he has grown fond of to a night she needs and probably deserves for putting up with him as a friend haha. It will be a joyous and eventful occasion for you. In a way, it's time for us to apply what we have learned about each other, to show that we are truly interested in each other, to show that we have been paying attention to even the small things we have said. Personally, I'll just say that I like to be romantic on a first date, but that's all I'll say for now. ^_^ Just know that our smiles, eyes, and subtle gestures seem ever more amazing.
Hopeless Romantic. During our first date, I will have made quite the effort to show you how much I remember about you and presenting it in a new way and a closer setting. Sometimes first dates seems like the start of a new, further friendship level, so there could be a hint of being nervous on both sides. However, we will realize we are still friends and accept each other. As the guy, I will probably take the lead organizing the date, hardly giving you any idea about what to expect yet still trying to impress you. It all depends on what we learn from each other from our time talking, but I’ll employ your heart’s desires and use them to my advantage in prompting a night we won't forget. Any date should be an occasion of searching out feelings should they develop. While it is still early for any sort of love interest, I wouldn’t date someone just for the fun of it because I know I’d do it in a way that would touch her feelings and that’s nothing to be taken lightly. To me, it's not a date if done just for fun, but rather it would be hanging out again. The first date, though, sets the tone and mood for the possibility of a 2nd date, etc. Let’s just relax, have a good time in each other's presence, and enjoy life together as friends delving deeper into our personalities.
[2017 Addition] Don't Rush. As great as our first date might be, it's important not to rush our feelings. Our heart can often get attached quickly to one another, faster than we would like. We need to make sure overtime that we can open up more of our heart to each other rather than all at once. Distance can be your ally because at times, some first dates may not lead to a second unfortunately. Here are a few quotes to solidify this point: "You can't rush something you want to last forever." "The longer you wait for something, the more you appreciate it when you get it, because anything worth having is worth waiting for." "Don't rush into love, because even in fairytales, the happy ending takes place on the last page." In other words, take what time you need in getting to know each other on a personal level. It might take longer for one couple than another and that's alright! As long as you're having a good time along the way, there should be no reason to rush into a relationship. Remember, you are giving a chance for "someone [to] change your life, not just your relationship status."
Honeymoon Stage. Personally, I’ve been on 5 first dates with 4 turning into relationships, 2 of which being > 1 year. I will be glad to tell you why those relationships didn’t last, but I will say I was the one broken up with and not because I did something wrong. What I’m getting at, I can pretty much bet if we have one date, we will likely have more and will eventually enter the honeymoon bf/gf stage where we are lovey dovey. This is a very fun part of a relationship as you may know, and lasts for a decent amount of time. Hopefully, though, part of that stage never fades away. You will notice I’m skipping over some time from the first date to the beginning of the relationship. I do this because if it was meant to happen, it will happen. You can not force genuine love. We will know inside if our dating is going somewhere, we will feel the spark of friendship burn bright into a glowing flame of love over time. I encourage you to keep your guard up during those dates until you can trust me without any reserve. I can tell you here and now, though, that I will be nothing but nice, considerate, and respectful of your space and feelings, but that will be proven during our time together (actions speak louder than words). I’m mature enough to know not to play with the heart of a woman (likewise a woman shouldn't lead a man along without being honest), but rather to set her heart soaring with happiness. Back on track, the honeymoon stage, “I love you!” to “I love you more!” responded with “Nuh uh, I love you more with cherries on top!” and well you get the picture. We are beginning love, happy as can be, conquering the world together. (I'll write a blog in the future about being a Boyfriend). Note: In my view, a relationship begins when love is confirmed to exist. I don't consider dating to be a relationship until love begins. Of course, dating will never end. How cool it would be to say you're 60+ and to still go on a date with the love of your life. :D
The Relationship. Now to get to the core of my message, my personal views, what goes on in my head thinking about a girlfriend. I’ve been in nearly all long distance relationships, and I believe they can work. I can give you ample quotes that make you think it can. While I know seeing each other in person every once in a while is hard, again I say if it was meant to be, it will work out according to God’s plan. It CAN work out is the bottom line, but it depends on if you want it to. Distance doesn't keep a couple apart, rather it is what they are already saying in their minds, that it won't work out. Now if we happen to be close to each other, all the better for us. (I do think that even distance can create a stronger love at times than if we were next door neighbors. Plus, when we would be together for just short periods of time, those moments would be that much more powerful to us.) I can be romantic whether 10 miles or 200+ miles away, try me haha. Let me say, I love the feeling of love, allow me to paint you a picture: “When you wake up in the morning, you have a text from me with something sweet that makes you smile. We go about our day, talking when and where we can, and in the evening, we spend time together. We can feel our hearts become warm, butterflies in our stomach, our arms around each other, total peace and comfort, nothing can get in between our closeness, hands being held, slight kiss on the forehead, excited for the next day to spend it in whatever time we have with each other again.” I will be praying, at this point, that this relationship can be used for God's glory. I will believe it was God's handiwork that we made it this far, and will be thanking Him for the angel that I have grown to love. :)
[2017 Addition] Sacrifice. There are two things I want to cover here. 1-Keeping in mind what was said in the previous paragraph, there will be times where sacrifices will need to be made. When a couple in a strong relationship do not live nearby to each other, for the relationship to grow into marriage someday, it will have to be mutually decided where to live, what kind of house to get, etc. We have our friends nearby, maybe our family, our coworkers, and depending on how far apart the couple is, a decision may need to be made where you will move and you may not get to see them as often. The question will be is that a sacrifice you would be willing to make? Whether the guy or the girl moves near the other or the two meet in the middle is situational and is different for everyone. 2-The other aspect of sacrifice is out of love for one another. When there is only one more piece of pie left, who gets to eat it? Do you cut the last piece in half for two extra small pieces? If you truly care about someone, you would be willing to give up what you want to watch on TV (Netflix in today's terminology) for that other person. Sacrifice in this meaning is something you give up. The stronger the relationship is, the more sacrificial each other becomes. Would you give up a bad habit if it would mean your love would be taken to new heights? If you want unconditional love, it won't happen without sacrifice.
[2014 Addition] Love is Blind. I don't usually agree with those that say: "I want to find love." Love is something that develops internally, not something that should be sought out because you may not find it and, with high hopes, you can become greatly discouraged. Love is not something that you see, but something you feel. I also do not agree with the saying of love at first sight. Love is an emotion that happens naturally without even trying. A relationship does take effort, but love itself will always exist unless a choice is made to stop it. We sadly see it happen occasionally with married couples being together for years just to end up falling out of love. They choose not to keep what they had going for them as when they first said their vows. Thus, love is also a choice. You can choose to have your heart open to endless possibilities or restricted until the time is right. Close your eyes and be led by what your mind tells you about following your heart.
[2014 Addition] Independent Happiness. If you think you need love to make you happy, you are misinformed. Happiness that is dependent on another person can be devastating. Don't get me wrong, there is a shared joy between friends or a romantic couple. You can feel a one's sadness, but since happiness is independent, you have the opportunity to impart your personal happiness to your friend or significant other to cheer him or her up. Make sure you are happy with yourself before entering a romantic relationship. Love and happiness go hand in hand; that is, they are jointly connected.
My View of Love. I don’t take love lightly. When I say I love you, I mean it with my whole being. [I will be honest that there was a time when I have prematurely said those 3 words. I knew it wasn't time, but my being wanted it so much, craved the thought that I was in love when we were not to that point yet. From my past, I now am more in tune with my emotions to know the difference.] There are many different types of love and many ways it can be expressed, but I’m mainly talking about the emotional aspect of it. I want my girlfriend to know how amazingly beautiful and talented she is, I want her to know that I’m not going to leave her for some other girl, that I have her heart and will always take care of it. I want her to feel happiness and to laugh in the good times, but to know that she can cry and rest her head on my shoulder in the sad times, and to even squeeze me to death during the scary movie that is playing on a Friday night haha. I believe our love will grow and never stop for anything; I know life happens and throws us curve balls, but if our hearts and desire to be together are strong enough, nothing will break us up. I'm patiently waiting for that certain someone that believes this as strongly as I do. I want my girlfriend to know that I’m never too busy for her and that I will run to her if she ever gets hurt, that I will protect her from sheer will alone (plus a little muscle if I needed). Tell me, what woman doesn’t want love like this? This is the basis of love in a relationship in my opinion. You can have this experience, a love that is unconditional, true love.
Fun Times Ahead. In my book, I will not propose within 1 year of being together. I would like to be together during all the major holidays (or those that we can manage at least, I know we both have our own families and circumstances). I hope that our times of friendship will continue, fun and laughter. You may have work or school, I’ll be working, but this shouldn’t stop us from setting aside time for one another. We have our own lives and some days we just may not have time to talk, that’s completely fine with me. We do want to keep maintain open communication though. I’m a very understanding and easy going guy. But on the occasion, we can surprise each other with making dinner for one another, helping each other with house chores perhaps (I'm good with a vacuum!), we can work out together, go watch a movie at a theater or pop some popcorn in the microwave and watch one snuggled on the couch, lets make a day to go to the zoo or spend it with the other’s family, lets browse the Web together watching funny YouTube videos, stay up late watching game shows laughing at the answers people say on Family Feud while playing along ourselves, so much we can do. To me, love knows no boundaries. I hope we can come to truly accept each other as a soul mate.
[2017 Addition] Living Together. This title is a bit of a misnomer. It is my belief that a couple shouldn't live with each other physically before marriage. It is fine to already have an apartment or house, but moving in together too early can wreck havoc on a relationship that doesn't have a strong foundation. I do think it is a good thing to spend several nights/days together in a row if available, but not to the point one is packing his/her bags to move in for good. Even if a couple is apart for a period of time, love will not be going anywhere. For the couple that moves in too early, the desires of flesh can be overwhelming. The emotional connection can be quickly lost and turned to physical companionship. We have to ask ourselves, are we willing to wait until the day we say "I do" before moving into together? In one sense, if we have each other in our heart, we actually already do live together, internally. :)
Pre-Marriage. This section is probably extremely forward, but still important to know. Someday, I hope to marry my best friend, saying my vow in front of family and friends, to the bride that will soon be my wife, to see only good and beauty in her that only the heart can see. I honestly would like to have a family someday, I love kids and would love the opportunity to be a dad. I now have my Masters degree and am free to the world, free to move anywhere. I currently have a great job and career with the potential of becoming partner of the firm, but it's flexible. I know relationships can be stressful, but that shouldn’t stop them from growing into something more. I only want to get married once. I’ve had my share of relationships and heart breaks, it’s painful and a divorce would be too painful to think about. Couples middle-aged tend to lose track with one another, lose the spark that once led their hearts ablaze with love, but it doesn’t have to be that way. I know I can say I will love my future wife till death do us part, whoever that may be. (I will write a future blog about being a Husband and one about being a Father).
Trust me, I could say a lot more about love and relationships. I like to say that the journey is the destination. When we get old, I hope to be able to sit out on the porch of our house in a swing together. I trust God that He will lead someone into my path that will allow this dream of mine to come true. These are mere words written for you to get a better idea of my heart, but the feelings and emotions you will experience getting to know me from stranger, to friend, to maybe girlfriend, to eventually maybe wife, will be worth it. I want to be a prince to a princess. I want to open the car door for her, I want to surprise her with a spontaneous trip, to walk along a path or country road with our hands intertwined as the sun sets. A kiss that is always remembered, a hug that is constantly felt, and memories that last forever. This is what I seek. If it sounds like something you are interested in, ask me a question, you never know where it might lead. :)
